Just when you’ve settled into a life pattern, something comes along which knocks you out of your rhythm. This has been a constant in my life the last few years. Or, to put another way, the old saw about the only constant being change has certainly held true.
Things have been tracking poorly over the last few months, and years in some respects. But a couple things have changed lately that provide me with solace and perhaps even a bit of hope.
The stresses of the day-to-day have wrecked my creative output. Yes, I still would make something when the mood struck, a rare time indeed, or when an obligation forced my hand. Perhaps it’s a testament to my gifts that I always succeeded.
Now, however, I’ve been dealt a good hand–a wonderful hand, even.
The scariest question of all right now is what to do. While I don’t need to find employment financially for the next little while, the drive to do so–and to make it reliable–is overwhelming. The drive to create as vocation is there, and I feel that success in that realm is, if not assured, than at least highly likely. Yet taking the plunge and devoting all of my energy into making something out of what has clearly been a hobby to this point is disablingly terrifying.
Yet at the same time, also terribly exciting.
Fear has ruled my world for far too long in innumerable realms. It’s time for me to ride this bull, yet do it smartly.