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Change of Thinking

by Ostin 0 Comments

I’ve been doing some reading over the last couple of nights in the hunt for a means to generally advance further in life. Some people might think that I need to turn to my faith for my answers. I’ve been away from it for so long that I truly feel like an imposter. However, I think I may have found some solutions.

In short, I’ve been thinking wrong.

We tend to create the world that we want. If all a person thinks about money, that’s the only thing they’ll see. It’s much like once you buy a new car or something, you suddenly find that same car everywhere. What I’ve been focusing on is essentially not screwing up. The only thing I’ve been thinking about on a day to day basis for the last couple weeks is not failing and not going broke. The only thoughts in my head are about failure and going broke, so the only thing I see is failure and lack of funds. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Tomorrow I’m going to write a plan and then immediately start working it. No excuses.

On Being an Introvert

by Ostin 0 Comments

Earlier today I rather glibly posted on my Google+, Twitter & Facebook feeds the following: “Being an introvert is easy.” One of my FB (and real-life) friends replied, essentially conflating introversion with “social laziness.”

My first reaction was defensive, yet I can understand why some people would think that’s what introverts are like. So I thought it would be instructive, if not cathartic, to explain what I meant and, perhaps, defend my social orientation.

So what is it like being an introvert? I think what defines me most is contradiction.

As we are social creatures, having some form of interaction is essential to our survival–otherwise, we’d just reproduce asexually. I understand this and rail against becoming solitary as much as possible. I see the psychological benefits of being sociable, and, conversely, the psychological deficits of remaining solitary. Yet my default state, the set point of my social interaction, is introversion.

So what did I mean by saying introversion is easy? Simply put, it’s much easier to say or do nothing–to cocoon, turtle up, hide–than it is to actually do something. I understand that in order to succeed in life–be it professionally, emotionally, psychologically, or in whatever field–one must enact some change in the world. Thermodynamics says that entropy is inevitable. But this knowledge is contradicted, again, by my default state.

I’m still thinking about this idea–about how my introversion not only defines me but also defines my limitations. It’s a part of me whether I like it or not at this point. And change, as we all know, is hard.

This requires some work.

Late night shenanigans

by Ostin 0 Comments

I’m sitting here with seven other guys, knee-deep in pen-and-paper roleplaying. I say pen-and-paper, but it’s more like laptop roleplaying as there’s five laptops in use. They’re in the middle of a combat, so dice are getting rolled and terms are flying like crazy.

This particular group has been meeting roughly every other Friday night for literally years. In that time, five of us have gotten married, one has moved to St. Louis and back, and the game has moved from one house to another. It’s been something to look forward to–a chance to be in a social environment, which given the rather solitary life I’m living right now is more than necessary. It’s rather ironic that this week I’ve basically made sure a chair hasn’t flown anywhere–in short, I haven’t done any roleplaying at all. In one sense, I mind a lot: in another sense, I don’t mind much. It’s rather interesting.

This week my day job furloughed me, so I’m back on the prowl. Because of things which are coming down the pipe, I plan to stick with contract work for now. It’s going to be tough, but I’m pretty certain I can make it.

Slow Progress

by Ostin 0 Comments

I had a good conversation with my mother this morning, in essence laying out some of my mental problems and outlining what I’m thinking of doing about them. It was nicely refreshing to unload some of the baggage I’ve been hanging onto for far, far too long. Hanging onto things is something I do a lot of, and it’s something I need to outgrow or learn better ways to handle.

English is hard sometimes. I sit here thinking I can form a coherent sentence, then I read what I just typed and realize there’s 13 better ways to say the same thing. My impatience for output can be–no, it is–the death of my accurate expression of thought. In the realm of film audio, especially film composing, speed and quality are two qualities which are golden to have. I’ve got that, but it doesn’t really bode well when you’re trying to emote something in an inherently emotionless medium such as words, which are concrete by definition thereby making them grossly inadequate when it comes to expressing abstract thoughts.


by Ostin 0 Comments

It’s time for me to make some wholesale changes, in my digital life and in my physical life. Effective immediately:

  • This is now a personal blog.
  • All business-related (i.e. audio post-production) information will be available at

I have a problem with Pride. As in, I have way too much. I consider myself fairly independent, yet that thinking is probably nothing more than self delusion. In fact, I’m pretty certain that I’ve been lying to myself for far too long. My current emotional/mental state, to be blunt, is not that good right now. I have, if you will, hit bottom, and I’ve realized/decided that pretending to be something (strong, stable, OK) which I’m clearly not is too destructive to my world to continue.

I need to actually let people into my life–something I haven’t done for a long time. It’s going to be hard and I know that I’ll fail, both at good times and bad. But it’s worth it.

Three Days

by Ostin 0 Comments

In three days the year will be over. Three days.

This was both a good year and a not-so-good year:

  • Good: I invested in my toolset, greatly extending my technological capabilities far beyond my creative capabilities
  • Not so good: That was only possible because of a death in the family
  • Good: I attended a music conference in Los Angeles (TAXI Road Rally) where I learned exactly what I need to know in order to succeed in one facet of the music industry
  • Not so good: I then promptly went back to my normal routine when I returned
  • Good: I finished work with current clients and worked with a new client, Mercy Corps
  • Not so good: I did not put my name and skills further out there and shill my wares

The other parts of my life are like my professional one–very much a mixed bag. I was able to get my financial house in order at the start, yet didn’t find steady paid work. Granted, most of that inability to find was due to the fact that I really didn’t look. I thought I’d learned my lesson in 2005 when not finding paid work soon enough essentially cost me the rest of my formal education–obviously not.

Like a lot of people, I’m planning on making changes next year, some small, others not so small. For starters I need to make more, be it money or creative output. Sometimes that creative output will be nothing more than a short post here, at other times it’ll be a bit of music. Regardless, that’s one plan. Also I need to get the house in order. I’ve heard it said that a persons external experience can mirror their internal one. I’ve got a lot of baggage lying around me, most of which needs to be put away somewhere, and some of it probably needs to get out of my life. I don’t know whether that applies more to internal baggage or external. It will take some time, though. It took a long while to build, it’ll take some to remove.

Once I get things lined up, who knows what I’ll be capable of? We’ll find out…

TAXI Road Rally 2010 Day -1 part 2

by Ostin 0 Comments

Earlier today as I was helping stuff goodie bags I overheard one of the workers state there were 2,192 registered attendees this year.

I knew that the Rally was big, I just didn’t realize _how_ big. 120 business cards may not be enough. 🙂

I was a bit surprised this afternoon when I ordered a chicken pot pie for dinner and was served something roughly the size of a beret. I’m used to pot pies being small, dainty things. And it was delicious, too. Sadly, there’s no refrigerator nor a microwave in the suite.

Time for some reading before turning in. Tomorrow: assist with the load in, registration and the first open mic.

TAXI Road Rally 2010 Day -1

by Ostin 0 Comments

UPDATE: Took just 20 minutes to get through security, so now I’ve got an hour wait until boarding.

Typing on an iPad is…interesting. I can almost touch-type, but things are just wrong enough to limit utility. But all in all, it works pretty well. I guess I just need more practice.

Over the weekend I’ll be attending TAXI’s Road Rally 2010, an annual convention of fellow musicians, songwriters and composers for education and networking. Registration begins tomorrow afternoon. Today is my travel day.

I’ll do my best to write about my experiences at the end of each night, if for no other reason than as a personal journal. It should be a good thing, especially when it comes to networking. My plan is simple: network, network, network. I’ve got a grip of business cards made up and am burning CDs as I type.

Next up: packing.

Seeking WordPress/UI Designer

by Ostin 0 Comments

In the interest of furthering my career, I realize this site needs a little TLC. Unfortunately, while Web programming is a core competency of mine, it’s not my primary life goal. In short, I want to concentrate on other things instead of designing a fun, interesting and well-maintained web site.

So if any of my friends know of a good, reliable, specifically media-centric Web designer who has a good grasp of WordPress theming, I’d like to hear about them.

And now the rest of the year, in short

by Ostin 0 Comments

The rest of 2010 looks to be a busy one.

Zetaman ( will continue to be part of the schedule. It will keep me busy for the rest of this month at least, spilling into September and beyond.

In the next month or thereabouts, I’ll start working on post audio for a science-fiction dramatic feature film. This will be a chance for me to explore my sound design chops.

I’m going to the Taxi Road Rally, a mass gathering of like-minded independent musicians for networking & education, in early November, so I’ll be preparing some example pieces to take with me. Stories abound of networking opportunities which have paid dividends down the line. I figure if I don’t take advantage of this, I’ll be costing myself the chances I missed.

November & December I’ll be working on audio for Fleem! Productions’ newest film. Fleem! is the folks who did Spidertron, the first film I ever did post for. It’s a continuation of the working relationship. I’ve considered mixing this one in 5.1 (surround), but I think that would be a bit too much for me right now. Once I have at least one more film in my hat, I’ll probably be ready to step up.

Then again, I did a lot of things before I thought I was “ready” and seemed to do just fine.