This particular group has been meeting roughly every other Friday night for literally years. In that time, five of us have gotten married, one has moved to St. Louis and back, and the game has moved from one house to another. It’s been something to look forward to–a chance to be in a social environment, which given the rather solitary life I’m living right now is more than necessary. It’s rather ironic that this week I’ve basically made sure a chair hasn’t flown anywhere–in short, I haven’t done any roleplaying at all. In one sense, I mind a lot: in another sense, I don’t mind much. It’s rather interesting.

This week my day job furloughed me, so I’m back on the prowl. Because of things which are coming down the pipe, I plan to stick with contract work for now. It’s going to be tough, but I’m pretty certain I can make it.

English is hard sometimes. I sit here thinking I can form a coherent sentence, then I read what I just typed and realize there’s 13 better ways to say the same thing. My impatience for output can be–no, it is–the death of my accurate expression of thought. In the realm of film audio, especially film composing, speed and quality are two qualities which are golden to have. I’ve got that, but it doesn’t really bode well when you’re trying to emote something in an inherently emotionless medium such as words, which are concrete by definition thereby making them grossly inadequate when it comes to expressing abstract thoughts.

• This is now a personal blog.
• All business-related (i.e. audio post-production) information will be available at http://www.odiopost.com

I have a problem with Pride. As in, I have way too much. I consider myself fairly independent, yet that thinking is probably nothing more than self delusion. In fact, I’m pretty certain that I’ve been lying to myself for far too long. My current emotional/mental state, to be blunt, is not that good right now. I have, if you will, hit bottom, and I’ve realized/decided that pretending to be something (strong, stable, OK) which I’m clearly not is too destructive to my world to continue.

I need to actually let people into my life–something I haven’t done for a long time. It’s going to be hard and I know that I’ll fail, both at good times and bad. But it’s worth it.

This was both a good year and a not-so-good year:

• Good: I invested in my toolset, greatly extending my technological capabilities far beyond my creative capabilities
• Not so good: That was only possible because of a death in the family
• Good: I attended a music conference in Los Angeles (TAXI Road Rally) where I learned exactly what I need to know in order to succeed in one facet of the music industry
• Not so good: I then promptly went back to my normal routine when I returned
• Good: I finished work with current clients and worked with a new client, Mercy Corps
• Not so good: I did not put my name and skills further out there and shill my wares

The other parts of my life are like my professional one–very much a mixed bag. I was able to get my financial house in order at the start, yet didn’t find steady paid work. Granted, most of that inability to find was due to the fact that I really didn’t look. I thought I’d learned my lesson in 2005 when not finding paid work soon enough essentially cost me the rest of my formal education–obviously not.

Like a lot of people, I’m planning on making changes next year, some small, others not so small. For starters I need to make more, be it money or creative output. Sometimes that creative output will be nothing more than a short post here, at other times it’ll be a bit of music. Regardless, that’s one plan. Also I need to get the house in order. I’ve heard it said that a persons external experience can mirror their internal one. I’ve got a lot of baggage lying around me, most of which needs to be put away somewhere, and some of it probably needs to get out of my life. I don’t know whether that applies more to internal baggage or external. It will take some time, though. It took a long while to build, it’ll take some to remove.

Once I get things lined up, who knows what I’ll be capable of? We’ll find out…

I knew that the Rally was big, I just didn’t realize _how_ big. 120 business cards may not be enough.

I was a bit surprised this afternoon when I ordered a chicken pot pie for dinner and was served something roughly the size of a beret. I’m used to pot pies being small, dainty things. And it was delicious, too. Sadly, there’s no refrigerator nor a microwave in the suite.

Time for some reading before turning in. Tomorrow: assist with the load in, registration and the first open mic.

Typing on an iPad is…interesting. I can almost touch-type, but things are just wrong enough to limit utility. But all in all, it works pretty well. I guess I just need more practice.

Over the weekend I’ll be attending TAXI’s Road Rally 2010, an annual convention of fellow musicians, songwriters and composers for education and networking. Registration begins tomorrow afternoon. Today is my travel day.

I’ll do my best to write about my experiences at the end of each night, if for no other reason than as a personal journal. It should be a good thing, especially when it comes to networking. My plan is simple: network, network, network. I’ve got a grip of business cards made up and am burning CDs as I type.

Next up: packing.

So if any of my friends know of a good, reliable, specifically media-centric Web designer who has a good grasp of WordPress theming, I’d like to hear about them.

Zetaman (http://www.zetaman.tv) will continue to be part of the schedule. It will keep me busy for the rest of this month at least, spilling into September and beyond.

In the next month or thereabouts, I’ll start working on post audio for a science-fiction dramatic feature film. This will be a chance for me to explore my sound design chops.

I’m going to the Taxi Road Rally, a mass gathering of like-minded independent musicians for networking & education, in early November, so I’ll be preparing some example pieces to take with me. Stories abound of networking opportunities which have paid dividends down the line. I figure if I don’t take advantage of this, I’ll be costing myself the chances I missed.

November & December I’ll be working on audio for Fleem! Productions’ newest film. Fleem! is the folks who did Spidertron, the first film I ever did post for. It’s a continuation of the working relationship. I’ve considered mixing this one in 5.1 (surround), but I think that would be a bit too much for me right now. Once I have at least one more film in my hat, I’ll probably be ready to step up.

Then again, I did a lot of things before I thought I was “ready” and seemed to do just fine.

This is a fundamental fact of the physical world. These properties have been tested & re-tested, and while counter-intuitive and mind-boggling, are true.

How can we make things better? By choosing to “see” the potentials in life that lead to the best outcomes. Something snaps into existence only when you go looking for it, and I think not only how you go looking but also what exactly you go looking for has a profound influence on what you see. The saying about making your own world is physically true.

My goals for the next–well, for the rest of my life actually–is to start looking for the good parts. Thinking positively is not pablum–it’s essential to good living.

Things have been tracking poorly over the last few months, and years in some respects. But a couple things have changed lately that provide me with solace and perhaps even a bit of hope.

The stresses of the day-to-day have wrecked my creative output. Yes, I still would make something when the mood struck, a rare time indeed, or when an obligation forced my hand. Perhaps it’s a testament to my gifts that I always succeeded.

Now, however, I’ve been dealt a good hand–a wonderful hand, even.

The scariest question of all right now is what to do. While I don’t need to find employment financially for the next little while, the drive to do so–and to make it reliable–is overwhelming. The drive to create as vocation is there, and I feel that success in that realm is, if not assured, than at least highly likely. Yet taking the plunge and devoting all of my energy into making something out of what has clearly been a hobby to this point is disablingly terrifying.

Yet at the same time, also terribly exciting.

Fear has ruled my world for far too long in innumerable realms. It’s time for me to ride this bull, yet do it smartly.